Here it is. The post to kill the nations. Not really. I am interjecting this post into my marriage series because I think this post goes hand-in-hand with marriage. No, I am not going to give you the gory details about sex, and no I am not going to give you too much information (well, we shall see).
My best friend, Brandi, and I are coming together for this post. I personally am super excited for a few reasons. 1) I have been wanting to write a sex post for a while. 2) I have wanted to colab with my best friend for a while. And 3) I have wanted to write this specific post for a while.
This post comes from an article I read on Buzzfeed called “17 Little Sexist Moments That Take Place In The Bedroom.” Feel free to look up the article, but I would like to let you know that the article is not family-friendly nor is it a Christian article.
This article came up on my Facebook feed quite a while ago, and as I read it, I was appalled. I was totally shocked by what this article showed was “normal” for many women.
Brandi and I are going to go through a few of the points that this article says, and we are going to talk about what sex is and what it is not. Don’t shy away just because this post is about sex! Sex is not something that should not be talked about. And I promise that we are not going to get inappropriate or gory, but we are going to tell the truth. So just hear us out, please
1. When he starts to go in with little regard to whether you are actually ready for him.
First, this is the one that shocked me (Genelle) the most.
We are going to begin by talking about the physical aspects here. First. in order for sex to be enjoyable for the woman, and a whole lot less painful, a woman needs to be properly prepared…
Also known as properly lubricated. During foreplay, a woman produces natural lubricants that make sex easier and more enjoyable. Let’s just say that during foreplay things happen that make sex work better. When you skip that step, it make it not work better. When a man just decides to barge in, as the post stated, this could be very painful for the woman and potentially cause serious injury.
What appalled me (Genelle) about this one the most is how emotionally demeaning this is. Brandi was most appalled by the fact that this statement implies that a woman’s part in sex is mainly for the man’s pleasure.
First things first, sex is supposed to be between a husband and a wife. If you are having sex and are not married, we are not judging you here. Go to my previous post You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Get Married for more on that. We are just stating that this is how God has designed sex and this is the context in which we are talking about it.
Second things second, sex is fueled by communication. Without the fuel, you can go nowhere. Communication brings both partners into the mix. It gives both partners equal standing as they engage in something that is not purely physical.
Third things third, sex is not purely physical. Sex was designed by God, and as crazy as it sounds, sex is spiritual. Having sex makes you vulnerable. It requires trust from both parties, and when that trust is broken, as in when a man enters too soon, it has consequences beyond the physical. You are not purely vulnerable physically, you are vulnerable spiritually as well. Sex is also emotional in this same sense. You have to really care for a person to be able to be as vulnerable as sex requires you to be. You may be comfortable in your own body, and comfortable being naked, but that does not mean that you are being vulnerable. You can be naked with a person without giving them your all. This goes hand-in-hand with communication. With being able to say “no, I’m uncomfortable with this” or “I’m ready for this” or “I like this.”
Fourth things fourth, as we mentioned earlier, sex is not purely for one person (guy or girl). Sex is a married couple coming together in intimacy. It involves both people communicating, meeting both people’s needs (physically and emotionally), and both giving something. Sex involves a mutual give and take (within the bounds with which each is comfortable).
Last things last, if you are not married, then make sure you are going to marry someone with whom you can trust with your vulnerability. If you feel as though the person you are going to wed is not trustworthy with you physically, emotionally, and spiritually, then that is not a person that you should marry.
2. And never once asking you what you like.
First, sex is not just about one person. It is selflessly giving yourself- within what you are comfortable with- to the other. If one person is calling all the shots, then this selfless giving is not happening. This goes back to being vulnerable with each other. If you are not comfortable speaking up about what you are okay with, what you are not okay with ,and what you want, then should have a series conversation with your partner. In my experience, open communication is what makes sex enjoyable. My husband and I are comfortable enough to talk to each other openly about anything, including what happens in the bedroom.
I am going to lump these together because they pretty much all deal with a guy trying to get his partner to agree on no protection. I think that these are very stereotypical. Not every guy hates wearing protection. I will say that in most circumstances, the feelings do change when a man wears protection, but this goes back to how sex is not purely physical. If you are all about what feels good, then you are not understanding all that sex is. I (Genelle) cannot imagine my husband pressuring me into not wearing protection.
This is a discussion that needs to involve both parties. If you are not ready for a child, then there needs to be protection. But this is something that needs to be discussed beforehand so that the two of you can be on the same page.
If we want to get really personal, my husband and I (Genelle) use condoms when I am ovulating and don’t when I am not. So far it has worked for us, but this is not going to work for every couple. We decided this method before we were even married. We researched different kinds of protection and many other things, and then we came to an agreement about it. It involved both of us giving our opinions and then agreeing together on something that worked for both of us.
7 & 8. When he knows that you don’t like something but you still have to put up with hearing, “Come on, do it for me.” And when you say NO, he makes that face like, “Oh, it’s like that, huh?” …insinuating that he’s going to have to find someone else.
First, this is manipulative and should never happen in any relationship. Each partner should know that if they are uncomfortable doing something, that the other partner will respect this and not push it any further. Every relationship, whether married or not, should have that kind of respect in everything you do.
For example, if the man is a vegetarian, and the woman is not, then woman should not pressure the man into eating meat. He is uncomfortable with it, and she should respect him enough to respect his choices. You shouldn’t have to say that you are fine with something when you are not.
Especially when it is obvious that you are not fine.
Neither of us could ever imagine our husbands making us do something that we would not be okay with. Both of our husbands know what we are okay with and what we are not okay with and vise versa, and our husbands respect and love us enough to never make us do those things. This is one of the qualities of a loving, caring, Christ-lead relationship.
10. And for some reason, he always gets to decide the position. 11. He’s also the one who gets to decide if you go fast or slow that night.
We think this goes back to communication (as stated in number 2). It also goes back to there being two people in sex (they do say it takes two to tango). There are two people, two opinions, and two bodies. Sometimes women just don’t feel like doing exactly what the guy wants that night.
One way to combat this is to do what she wants one night and what he wants the other night. Again, this should be in confines of what each person is comfortable with. There also requires communication here so that each person knows what the other person likes and what days to do that.
17. And then when it’s all over and he finishes, he just rolls over and falls asleep, or his mood changes entirely.
This one really shows how so many couples see sex as just the physical. When the physical is done, then all else is done. This is so not what sex is! We aren’t saying that you need to cuddle for hours after sex, but if your partner’s mood changes so quickly, then something is wrong here.
Brandi: In conclusion, sex is good. Being a meanie during sex is not.
But seriously, what we are trying to get across here is that the world’s view of sex is so very different than what God designed sex to be. We both agreed here that our main point through all of this, which you probably won’t guess, is the importance of
Go to Brandi’s blog here
Have questions? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you all for reading, and I will be back next week for Why I Married My Husband! Love y’all! Be bold, be brave, be different.
Shout out to Cherish once again for the awesome pictures!